Wednesday, April 22, 2009

5 Things I Hate in the Weightroom (+1)

Hi, Billy Mayes (Sean Butler) here with an offer you can't refuse! I am here to let you in on a rant of pet peeves that will make you want to punch baby seals by the end! You will  get 5of my most hated things I see in weight rooms today! But wait, there's more! I'll give you another thing I see in training that I hate absolutely free! You can't get a a rant like this many other places for this cheap! So, without further screaming at the top of my lungs, let the tirade begin!

1. People who use the power racks for curls- Seriously, I know that it's a struggle for you to pick up the 60 pounds of weight off of the floor and that your underdeveloped back is straining against the sheer massive poundage, but seriously, when I'm trying to do a useful exercise, I would really prefer not to wait for you to gas through your 8th set of bicep work then lose my focus while you flex your "guns" in the mirror. 

2. People who wear Affliction and/or hats in the gym- You may feel badass when you walk in wearing a $80 shirt that somehow represents that you watch an MMA fight on rare occasion, and it may attract women. However, this wofts in such an air of douchebag that I feel as though I need to move away from you so I don't smell the Natty Ice or start saying "bro" or "chill" on a constant basis. Also, if your wear a hat, I know that you're fucking new or just a plain idiot and with try at all costs to stay away from you so you don't hit me with a weight while doing your 15 pound lateral raises. (Side note: Why the fuck do people wear their hats on the back of their head? Seriously, it's not even on nor does it serve any purpose like that)

3. People who ask "Whatcha bench?" anytime they need a judging on strength- Look, I'm not gonna say that if you bench a lot, you aren't strong. Anyone who can bench two times their body weight is decently strong in my mind and should give themselves a hug (or touch themselves if their lonely). But anyone who judges someones strength entirely on one exercise or movement does not even belong in the weight room and much less near any heavy object (mainly because I could possibly hit them in the head with an 80 pound weight out of shear rage). 

4. Personal trainers who tell me that the exercises I do are dangerous-OK, first off, I have nothing against PT's. As I mentioned, I plan on becoming one. However, the PT's in my college gym seem to think that since they got their certification, they can tell me that the exercises I do will either a) kill me, b) kill someone else or c) kill all the polar bears and puppies in the world. Honestly, until you can give me written evidence that I can die from doing an explosive movement, shut the fuck up and keep having your clients do curls with 8 pound dumbbells on a Bosu Ball.

5. People who watch T.V. on the elliptical machine- There are really 2 things wrong with this. One, why the hell are you on an elliptical? Seriously, there are better ways to spend your time that can burn more calories, rowing for 10 minutes for instance (believe me, I did crew, it's Hell). And two, if you are watching Gossip Girl while "running", I'm almost certain you are putting full effort into your workout.

And finally...

6. People who say I can't do...- People told me there is no way I could deadlift 315x3 today cuz I'm only 160 pounds. Well fuck that! I did it...twice! Six reps. And it wasn't hard. So fuck naysayers. Do what the fuck you want. 

Ok, my rant is done. If you have any things you hate in the gym or training, or just life in generally, comment on this article. Just make sure you calm down before going to the Zoo or anything, those seals are endangered. 

P.S. Thanks to Ricky for the epic Paint job on the picture.


  1. I love how every trainer in the gym uses the smith machine but me, and that I get weird looks for it.

    What the hell?

  2. I'm adding 2 things to your list:
    7. Guys who don't wear deodorant.
    8. The two guys using the incline sit-up thing to play catch with a 10 lb med ball. Nothing against core-flexion exercises, but come on, they perform the sit-up/med ball throw combo at such a slow pace.